awal update sebab harini rasa mixed feeling.
bermula dengan pagi yang teruk walaupon harini bukannya ada round pon. pagi ni aidan tak nak bangun. abah ni bukan apa, semacam PTSD kot, walaupon supposedly manageable je, and by right abah tak perlu emosi sangat tapi bila aidan merengek rengek and pujuk macam mana pon semua tak makan saman, and eventually tak pelru bimbang lewat but, abah jadi anxious, sebab abah tahu hari hari lain tak bleh macam ni, tak leh nak lambat2 dah, sharp 6.45pagi kita kena turun and be on the road dah. what if hari lain aidan buat perangai macam ni jugak. mati lah nak.
so, abah mengamuk.
mengamuk, naik angin. marah marah. jerit.
semua
aidan dah nangis teruk dah. walaupon berjaya bawak pergi bilik air tapi abah dah kena rasuk.
selesai mandi. aidan dah siap, abah dah mai migraine dia dah. denyut2 kepala ntah kenapa lah. stress headache kot. makanya 7.30 pagi dah telan celebrex.
atas kereta aidan senyum2 dah, macam biasa lah dia, kadang dia affected. kadang dia macam tak teringat dia dah buat hal.
so resultnya seharian lah abah moody. sebab rasa bersalah, bila dah come into sense sikit abah datang sedar. i should have able to manage it calmly. but nope, nasi dah jadi bubur dah. i had let devil take over.
i think another factor is we are living with our family now. lain lah. definitely lain.
haihhhhhh, i hate today, petang tadi ambik aidan jalan jalan pusing mydin.
belikan gula gula favourite dia. we picked a spot in the middle of slow crowd, then i grab his hand and talk.
cakap kat dia , esok kena bangun awal and bla bla.
haihhhhh
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